Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
