Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
