Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
