Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
