Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
