i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
