That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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