I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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