Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
