this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
