Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize