I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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