you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
