Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
