you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
