There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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