If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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