ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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