Acid is not a monday night drug
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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