Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
