Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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