I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
