Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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