Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
