I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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