Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
