dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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