I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
