My friends, they love my intelligence
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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