It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
