HIV tests are more positive than that guy
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
