oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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