Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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