I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
