apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
