my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
