so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
