Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
