K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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