John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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