it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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