You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
