Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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