Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
