Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
