my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
