I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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