Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
