You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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