non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
