Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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