jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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