making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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