woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
