i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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