We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
