halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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