You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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