so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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