if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
