I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
