You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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