then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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