C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
