the condom got lost in my hair
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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