bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
