he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
