I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Me. At least after what I've been through.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
