If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
