You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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