saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
