Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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