I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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