girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
