White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize