Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
